Everyone loves a silly joke! You might get a chuckle, a groan or an eye roll but these silly jokes are sure to get a reaction. Add one to a card or a letter and send to someone who might need cheering up; like hospitalized kids or those who receive Meals on Wheels.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Why did the garden feel overcrowded?
There wasn’t mushroom.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
What happens in a cave in the rainforest?
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Why were bikes suspended from school?
They spoke too much.
What time is it when a ball goes through the window?
Time to get a new window.
Silly Jokes About Animals
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why are penguins socially awkward?
Because they can’t break the ice.
Why can’t you trust zookeepers?
They love cheetahs.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
Why couldn’t the duck pay for dinner?
Her bill was too big.
What animal dresses up and howls?
What did the mother elephant say to her kids when they weren’t behaving?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
The chicken didn’t exist yet.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it.
What do cows read?
Why are spiders great web developers?
They like finding bugs.
What do you call a fly without wings?
Why kind of bug is in the FBI?
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
More Animal Jokes:
What do you call a cow that can’t moo?
A milk dud.
Where do horses live?
What did the buffalo say when his son left?
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why did the little lamb go everywhere Mary went?
He wanted to mark his territory.
What do piggies use when they have an infection?
Why is a flock of geese like Wikipedia?
They’re flying in-formation.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the riverbank.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs?
Tell your friends these…
What did the duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What happened when the shark got famous?
He became a starfish.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?
What time do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
What do cats wear to bed?
What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?
That hit the spot!
What did the dog say to the sandpaper?
What do you call a dog in the winter?
A chili dog!
Where should a dog never go shopping?
A flea market.
What is the dog’s favorite button on a remote?
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You can step in a poodle.
What kind of dog does Dracula have?
What do birds give out on Halloween?
What is a dog’s favorite city?
More Silly Jokes…
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
Why do bowling pins have such a hard life?
They’re always getting knocked down.
Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it’s two-tired!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
What did Jack say to Jill after they rolled down the hill?
I think I spilled the water.
What are bald sea captains most worried about?
Are You Laughing yet?
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
She’ll Let It Go.
What’s a king’s favorite kind of weather?
What did Aquaman say to his kids when they wouldn’t eat their food?
Water you waiting for?
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
The same middle name.
How do modern day pirates keep in touch?
Where does Superman’s wife drive?
Why was SpongeBob always praying?
He’s so hole-y.
Why did the Scottish man have plumbing issues?
He only had bagpipes.
Why did the florist give so many kisses?
She had two-lips.
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
What’s Superman’s favorite drink?
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do knights do when they are scared of the dark?
They turn on the knight light!
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park your car, man.
Silly Food Jokes
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor’s office?
He was feeling crummy.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
What do you call a retired vegetable?
Where do hamburgers go dancing?
What do you call a sad strawberry?
Don’t leave any food around your computer.
It takes a lot of bytes.
What did the broccoli say to the celery?
Quit stalking me.
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
What room doesn’t have doors?
What do you get when you put cheese next to some ducks?
Cheese and quakers.
What do you call a tired pea?
More Food Fun…
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Why was the cookie sad?
Because his mom was a wafer so long.
How does a cucumber becomes a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!
What did the egg say to another egg?
Have an eggselent day!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What do you call a fake noodle?
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
When do you go in red and stop on green?
When you are eating a watermelon.
What do you think of that new restaurant on the moon?
The food is great, but there’s not much atmosphere.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
What kind of music do balloons hate?
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
Why can’t the music teacher start his car?
His keys are on the piano.
These are funny too…
What did the guitar say to the lead singer of the band?
Stop stringing me along.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why are ghosts such bar liars?
You can see right through them.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
Why don’t we eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
How do billboards talk?
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
What game does the sky love to play?
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Where were pencils invented?
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
What gets wetter the more it dries?
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
How do elves learn how to spell?
They study the elf-abet.
Even More Funny Jokes…
Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
If you take your watch to be fixed, make sure you don’t pay up front.
Wait until the time is right.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look. I’m about to change.
What did one DNA strand ask the other DNA strand?
Do these genes look okay?
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
What happened with the kidnapping in the park?
They woke him up.
I spent five minutes fixing a broken clock yesterday.
At least, I think it was five minutes…
What did one hat say to the other?
Stay here, I’m going on ahead.
Why was the broom late?
Why do computers never fall asleep?
They’re too wired.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…
… but then I turned myself around.
Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
How do you throw a space party?
What’s scarier than a monster?
What is brown and sticky?
What did one block say to the other when he was ready to leave the party?
What do you call a student who doesn’t like math class?
Why is it okay if you forget how to make a boomerang on Instagram?
It will come back to you.
What did one elevator yell to the other?
Which hand is better to paint with?
Neither! A paint brush is better.
Why does the moon say she doesn’t want to eat?
What goes up but doesn’t come back down?
What always comes at the beginning of a parade?
The letter P.
What can smell without a nose?